My sister went to a Rockies game last week, and kept sending me hilarious texts. "So hot!!" "Melting." "I HATE THE SUN!" Later, when I talked to her - which was like a week later, since my sister is like the will-o-the-wisps from Brave, she's hard to catch - she told me that she wore a long-sleeved black t-shirt (her signature clothing item) and jeans. Um...it was like 104 degrees that day, and she was outside at a ROCKIES game, which is well documented to be the hottest place in Denver.
Cindy has never known how to dress for weather. She missed that day in kindergarten. When we went to Kauai, she packed as if she was visiting Seattle in the winter. Long sleeved black shirts, jeans, sneakers. I packed skirts, dresses, shorts and tank tops. We have all these funny pictures of my Mom and I looking like we are dressed for Hawaii, and Cindy, looking like she is dressed for a funeral on a mountain top.
What she should be wearing:
What she IS wearing.
This got me thinking what days I missed in Kindergarten. What are basic skills that I do not have?
For one, making a bed with a fitted sheet. If a stranger was holding a gun to my head and demanded that I make the bed correctly on the first try, I could not do it. I would likely just say, "Well...we all know how this is going to turn out, so maybe just better to get on with it. Send me to Jesus." No matter how much I think it through ahead of time, that sheet does not ever fit right the first, second or third time.
Another lesson I missed in kindegarten is folding. Ryan tells me all the time how horrible I fold. His folds are neat, square and orderly. Mine are quickly done. Sure, they are folded, but it's not you know, hotel folding. It's more like neatly crumpled, in a square shape. I see no purpose whatsoever in folding underthings. I can't think of a worse thing that having someone at my funeral say "She never traveled, but she could fold a mean pair of underthings."
I cannot parallel park to save my life. I could not parallel park a Smartcar on an empty football field. I have never really wanted a car (except for a mint green Prius!), but the minute I saw those new vehicles that could park themselves I drooled a little bit. To make matters worse, I posses that chic-celebrity coolness that comes with owning a mini-van. Parallel parking a mini-van is like trying to park the Space Shuttle in a gumball machine. At least, that's what it feels like.
And the last day that I missed in Kindergarten was this: the day we learned about how things work. Anything. Technology with its cords, codes, HTML, USB plugs, links, hosting and sites. Mechanics: cards, typewriters, radios, ovens, bicycles. I haven't the vaguest idea how 99% of the things that I use daily work. I've figured out a few things - toasters. The dogs collars. A candlestick. But other than that - no clue. And that's okay with me. I don't need to know how my laptop works to enjoy it. I'll just chalk it up to little elves and that's fine.
All of us missed a few days in Kindergarten. It's why I cry when I have to parallel park, and why my sister is wearing a parka in Mexico. We're all special like that.
Author of Elly in Bloom and the upcoming Queen of Hearts. Reader of All the Books. Pop-Culture Nerd. Obsessed with Fondue and Showtunes. Lutheran and Proud. Clumsy and Not That Proud. Happily married to a very sweet man. Unhappily the slave of a very clever weiner dog.
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